Thursday, January 06, 2011

Bookish-priapic

A Core Foundation of my New Year’s Resolution Superstratum is (for internal administrative reference purposes: NYR2011SS-CF12pp12/nf_inf.x1.3)

[:] maintain optimal bio-rhythmic routine


Another is (for internal administrative reference purposes: NYR2011SS-CF12pp12/nf_inf.x1.4)



[:] maintain optimal creative routine(s) and subroutine(s)


A full explication of the issue is beyond the scope of this post but the essential worry is that the two objectives may be at odds. If so, then hopefully only contingently and not necessarily so, and nothing that can’t be smoothed out over the course of this week. (Though strictly I suppose I have a year, don’t I? Again, beyond the scope of this post...). In essence, I want to be awake at the same time as other people and I want to have a way of broadly measuring my work effort to attainment ratios. Though I’ve always been a night-owl it isn’t good for me, and doing something creative for a living can make it hard to know when one has achieved enough for it to feel ok to stop and do something entirely passive instead. But then, I do various creative things purely for my own entertainment, such as Ultraskull and most blog posts. And I tell myself that I want to do them more frequently, thereby setting myself up to fail to meet self-imposed standards of recreation. Dammit man, pull yourself together! The issue facing me right now is that I intended to get to sleep by two and get working by ten, but now it is six in the morning and I am laughing at a list of silly book titles I have written. The plan went wobbly around two when the film I was watching went on until three. Pretty basic planning issue there (note to self - see NYR2011SS-CF12pp12/nf_inf.x1abs.time – cf. “Time-keeping”). The film, 'Hallam Foe' was enjoyably moody and did nothing to aid my winding down for the night. And then... I felt my modish poise uncoil to the slutty scent of carelessly shaved pencils, bookish-priapic, all smeared ink and dirty erasers, the coquettish discipline of medium-priority administrative procedure... and before I knew it I had recommenced cataloguing titles for the Art, Photography and Slavic Youth Cinema section of the Ultraskull Mobile Lending Library. Oh God... It's half-past eight... how did we get to here? We have to stop doing this... we both know it's wrong... so wrong... we're so... bad... oh...


Kendal, Kimpy Transgressive Yoke: The Works Of Frami Rallentando (Taschen 1998)

Kipper, Kimpy Rheiner Knizia And The Lone Flame Steeplechase (Dover Editions 2002)

Kotterel, Jethpa Darius Tschevchenko's Arc-Weld Timepiece (Diode Club 19¬¬) * LARGE PRINT

Loperamide, J.K. (Ed.) The Best Of Ian Brady (Void 2007) * AUDIOBOOK AVAILABLE

Jackson, Steve & Livingstone, Ian The Warlock Of Firetop Mountain (Penguin, 1982)

Beegees, C.B.
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid: Carlos Blessing's Nine Lives in Print (Taschen 1986)

Kermode, M.
Living Loose With Lucio - Ian McCulloch's Italian Cinema Career (Shox 2002)

Strategy 5
The Strategy 5 Manifesto (Strategy 2005)

Dogcollared-Greens, Delia
Intention, Pretension Or Purely Convention? How to Choose an Effective Title For Your Non-Fiction Book - A Multi-Titular Approach - Plus! Not Forgetting... ...the Use Of Dots!* *And Be Sure To Get An Asterisk In There For Added Inanity - //NEW EDITION! Fully Revised And Updated To Accommodate It's Own Claims! (Keep Going -Ed. 2009)

Cancer, Nancy
Please Daddy, No! Etcetera: Dispatches From The Bravely-Overcame-Shame-For- Financial-Gain-And-Talk-Show-Fame-Gravy-Train (Cake & Eat 2003)

FIN.



ADVERTISEMENT


The Police Diver's Notebook in Association With Damaged Goods

is proud to offer you
The 'Back To Papa' © Method: Ghost-Writing The Trauma Victim’s Routine Misery Into Sparkling And Highly Marketable Trauma-Porn

*This Newly Expanded Multi-Media Edition Of The Award Winning Classic Grief-Writer's Tool-Kit Is A Complete Life-Spanning Guide To Coaching Your Cash Cow All The Way From Abused Child to Regional Television Chat Show Star!! Damaged Goods Have Never Been So Lucrative!
*THE tried-and-tested method of gaining the shaky confidence of your understandably cautious and guarded Potential Client. The sure-fire way to convince them that you are the first and last person they can fully trust, and despite the enormous difficulties they face admitting even to themselves the full horror of their past, they are nonetheless going to tumble their guts into your greedy lap
*The innovative 'Back To Papa' © Method: A Life-Long Misplaced-Loyalty Maintenance Strategy!
This method of re-gaining said trust (squandered by recklessly fucking the client's husband/wife/child etc) ensures that even the vilest of betrayals will see them stumbling 'Back To Papa'
© and once again eating from the palm of your hand
*'The 'Father-Confidante' Technique
© ensures significant returns with next-to-no initial outlay. A radical departure from Grief-Writing orthodoxy that allows you to significantly widen your Catchment Pool. Acting in the role of 'therapist' means that Future Clients will pay you to hear their sob story from the get go! Certification from our affiliated college provides professional-seeming Counselling credentials. Tap into a fresh, naive and reliably damaged client base!

The Classic Grief-Writer's Tool-Kit is firmly established as the industry-standard and includes:

*'Choose Your Own Adventure'-style infinite plot generator. This sinister piece of software uses your ghoulish choices to construct multiple story arcs of unparalleled misery peppered with salacious detail followed by a significantly shorter section about healing and inner strength.
*Recovered Memories Generator - create entirely plausible abuse scenarios in minutes - random algorithm guarantees a unique horror every time
*Know-Your-Boogieman-Archetype Identifier -be confident you’ll never lose focus of the Bad Guy in the tale, consisting as it does of only two characters
*Free haunting child's scrawl of forlorn alleyway
*Copyright-free photos of ‘inspirational’ landscapes, sunbeams through clouds, rainbows etc. (doubles as a DIY Christian Greeting Card Kit)
*Access to online database of literally hundreds of photos of people looking the other way

*Legal advice Hotline
*Not available in any shops

www.backtopapamethod.com
Express Order Line 0800-000-0000 and quote 'Police Diver's Notebook'

'Back To Papa' ©, 'Father-Confidante' Technique ©, 'Grief-Writer's Tool-Kit' © and 'Classic Grief-Writer's Tool-Kit'© are all registered trademarks of Damaged Goods LTD. The Police Diver's Notebook is a Silent Age publication. Silent Age Records is a member of the Aetus Arcanum group By Appointment To Her Majesty's Prisons


Thought For The Day: "Particularly when it comes to formatting, Blogger is fucking shit."




3 comments:

Adam Burrows said...

You’re not alone. Apparently, one in five bloggers over 30 suffers from some variety of formatting dysfunction. Last night my font kept going ALL BIG and then all small again. After punching the wall a few times, I turned my back to the keyboard and cried myself to sleep.

zsuzsa pavelka said...

You PROMISED me this:
http://www.metalsucks.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/harry-potter-slash-thumb.jpg
!!

zsuzsa pavelka said...

oh my god, nightmare! the sweeter (your) choice was the right one!